90’s Child

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27. That is where I am today. Born in 1991 this dress may possibly be as old as me. I was given the task of helping my mom clean out her closet a few weeks ago and saw this gem. The 90’s were cool but I was a child of many fashion disasters, like those little floral dresses with the weird built-in bibs (anyone know what I’m talking about here?).

My headshot circa 1995

 

Also, I had bangs…with curly hair…I love my parents but why the bangs? They always stuck up like I had horns because my hair curled on the top of my forehead. But I’ve survived all of that and even took the risk this last year of cutting my hair shoulder length and that’s working out too.

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This last year of my life was pretty amazing, I was living in New York City working in fashion wholesale and had a studio apartment in Harlem with my girlfriend. We adopted two kitties from the ASPCA and shared so many memories as a little family.  I’ve said in previous posts (24, Seven Ten) that my birthday is an important day for me. I like to reflect on the changes in myself; my growth, my opportunities and all of the things I have accomplished.  Each year is a milestone to me and learning how to tell people my new age is like writing 2014 on a form at the doctor’s office but hello its now 2018 how could I be lost in time?! Anyway, my goal for this year is to do the things I say I want to do.

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I had six months off from life after I had shoulder surgery. I needed time off of work because the recovery process is long and brutal and that gave me a lot of time to myself, maybe a little too much time. Now I’m back to work and working through life lessons that no one really prepares us for, but our parents warn us about from their own life experiences. The amount of love and support I have received from my loved ones and my friends has been that guiding light for me and now that today is officially six months post-op (I picked January 10th on purpose knowing my freedom date would be my birthday) I can now ride my horse again and do all the fun activities I love to do like a true Upstate New Yorker. This year will be a good year like every other year has been, and I’m also aware that there may be some struggles in my future and I’m ok with that because with every struggle comes a strength.

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Wearing vintage Ulterior Motives dress and Nine West sandals

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Take Some Time

Isn’t it wild how much we focus on time?

I loved this waterfall and I thought as I was capturing the moment, how cool would it be to watch it slowly roll backwards.  Much like the way human beings reflect on the passage of time.  It can overlap in different ways, such as having the ability to look back, but as we do so time is still passing us by.

In the last few days this has been the topic of conversation, mainly with people who were older than me.  What I was hearing was in the process of aging fear sets in on how much time was lost, what could have been done in that period and how it went by so quickly.  It baffles me how we look at and measure time, because it can be so manipulative.  We can manipulate it ourselves.  Think about how sometimes when you fall alseep and have some obligation the next day, the time flies by and you feel a little bit robbed.  Then also think about how you could be doing some task you don’t necessarily like and the time drags out.  We can alter our feelings toward time, we can slow it down, speed it up, we look back, and we look forward.  I was getting this message because of my own conflict, but not in the way that I feel like I need to travel the world before I’m thirty.  More of the sense that I want to be careful not to fill my time doing things I won’t enjoy or that won’t benfit me.  I’m finding that our perception of it projected onto us by society is backwards.  I’m pressured to have a 9-5 corporate job in order to be successful and easily pay my bills.  It was when I listened to the conversations again in my head I heard what my counterparts were saying. They were telling me not to make the mistakes they had. They want me to grasp onto the present and do everything in my power to fulfill whatever it is that is calling out to me.