Creating My Own Canvas

 

 I do this for myself. I create my own canvas.

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For years I’ve struggled with feeling like I had to choose between two versions of me. Raised on a small farm secluded from the neighborhood kids I developed a strong bond to myself and my family. I learned about who I was from a very young age because I spent a lot of my time alone with my thoughts.

Fast forward to now and I can tell you a piece of me remains that way, however, I crave the stimulation of a buzzing city, art and creativity. I long for diversity and variety in people and places. When I am in the city I miss the farm and solitude and when I am in upstate New York I miss the stimulation. I’m learning how to find that balance and blend my two worlds together.

I love capturing the contrast and really sitting with it. Officially knee deep in my mid-twenties I have learned to love myself even more and found ways to express my creativity and truest nature. I feel that many people in my position are still struggling to find that truth bogged down by the pressures of society. College may have given us the diploma, but where do we go from here? How does the self fit into this new landscape yielding to us? And so I turn to things like photography, writing and fashion to give myself the outlet not provided to me, reestablishing my genuine thoughts, my raw creativity.

Wearing Michael Kors romper, vintage 1980’s belt, H&M boots

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ballin’ on a Budget

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Wearing Free People jumpsuit, Steve Madden shoes

 

When I envision myself, this is what I see.  Maybe the years of running through open fields in summer dresses with my sister has something to do with that, or maybe it’s my fascination with Vogue spreads, who knows. But, when I try something on or see it hanging delectably off of a mannequin, I imagine myself in all my femininity running through a field one with myself and nature.

As I said before, almost everything in my closet has a story.  This one has been told countless times to all my friends and family due to my sheer excitement and dire need to own this jumpsuit.

I first saw it in a window at Lord and Taylor and was immediately drawn to it, Megan even pointed it out to me.  Weeks had gone by and we had to head to the mall to get some last minute things for our trip to Florida when I saw it there again, still in the window.  I stopped to check the price, and knew it was not going to fit in my budget. It stayed on my mind though and when I had to go back yet again to pick something up, it was gone.

  Now I was panicked like I lost my chance. I went and found it, the very last one and it was marked down! I tried it on and needed it desperately so I put it on hold.

Two days before I had to leave I went back one final time, money in hand. The associate told me it had been put back on the floor after markdowns were taken, and me, devastated, would not believe this could be true! Having worked retail for so long I knew that it had to be on a rolling rod somewhere in the back so a merchandiser could take the markdowns.  I pleaded with the girl to please check one more time since I was leaving for vacation in a matter of hours.  She did. As she walked over to me, jumpsuit in hand, I was elated.  Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better she rang it up revealing it had received another markdown going from $148 to $78 to now $37. That’s when I knew it was meant to be mine.