Self Love

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When something bothers me it’s hard to get it off my mind. I have to talk about it with the people closest to me.  I enjoy and  value social media in the way that it gives everyone the opportunity to express themselves, the same way I feel about fashion. Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate people’s intentions, however.  When you look through the filters and the captions, is the real person behind all of it?

 

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Staying genuine to who I really am is important to me, but I’m sure I could be perceived differently than that because perception is subjective. And being an influencer is also important to me, but the message I want to convey is not be like me, but find yourself and how beautiful it is to be original and unique.  Self love is often the hardest to find, I speak from experience. I see and have seen so many people I love in my life go through the same struggle and it is one that never actually ends.

 

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I love inspiring people. Outside of the cyber world I talk about my clothes, give advice to my loved ones and try to live my best life. I never want that to end, I feel it’s part of my purpose here.

 

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I am wearing Zara shorts, F21 duster and H&M booties

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kitchen Selfies

Two things to know about me are one, I do not own a full length mirror and two, I always take advantage of good lighting.

Having dinner plans with an old friend forced me out of my t-shirt and yoga pants I had been hanging out in all day due to the plague I finally kicked.  I’ve been on a pretty tight budget the last several months and couldn’t really afford to buy anything new.  I love to retire things from my wardrobe for a while in anticipation that they will breathe new life again one day.

I bought these pants a couple years ago. They are the most comfortable pants I have ever worn and can hide any food baby or bloated belly without making me feel constricted (perfect for grabbing dinner in). I thrifted this little cut off charmeuse top from Buffalo Exchange a handful of years ago. It was my virgin trip to the second hand boutique in Brooklyn and have been a frequent shopper ever since.

SO, I guess you could say I am not the type of person to give something a toss if I haven’t worn it in a year.  I grow attached to my clothes and think of them as little treasures that carry many backstories as to how they got into my possession. And in times of needing to feel fresh and new I know I have an archive I can head to first.

I love feeling comfortable and tend to go to layering my basics to add some detail to a pretty simple outfit.

Wearing BCBGeneration pants, top is thrifted from Buffalo Exchange

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop and Smell the Wildflowers

Since being home from a really nice and long overdue break, it has been difficult to adjust back to my old routine.  Honestly I hate routines although some things require it such as, good hygiene, sleep and exercise, I loved having the stimulation of being somewhere new and experiencing a different wave of energy.

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Ever since I was a young girl I have always had a fascination with flowers and plants.  I loved gardening and picking bouquets of wildflowers to keep on my nightstand.  My sister and I would catch butterflies in the horse pastures and release them into my bedroom to flutter around for the day then return them back to the wild.

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When I came home from Florida I had a lot of new energy and ideas with me, I felt like I was in a really good mental space.  Like I was saying earlier breaking the routine is so important to me. After a while I began to lose sight and made plans just to get through each day or each week resulting in tunnel vision.

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I am happy to be home with my animals and my own comfy bed, that is always a plus.  But I am also inspired to get out and do more.  I want to make the rest of this year an adventure since I spent the first six months recovering from a major surgery, not that that wasn’t an adventure in and of itself. I had to hustle to make ends meet while also being physically impaired. I’ll share more on that and my dog-walking adventures soon.

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During my hustle to make ends meet, I wasn’t always able to freshen my wardrobe.  I’ve become creative with recycling old outfits and even borrowing from family to liven up some tired pieces.  This maxi skirt is from Marshall’s circa 2013 roughly. I gave it to my mom when I couldn’t find ways to wear it anymore. I saw it recently in her wardrobe and it popped out at me telling me to take it! The sweater and the bralette were part of my buying frenzy as a manager at Macy’s, they have also been laying around wanting some wear.

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I get a lot of my style inspiration from other style blogs, my friends and people walking by.  I saw a picture of Karlie Kloss wearing a maxi skirt with a long sleeve tee and white sneakers on her Instagram and loved it, that is how this look was born with a little bit of my own countryside style.

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Wearing BCBGeneration top, Free People bralette, Maxi skirt is from Marshalls

 

 

Florida Part IV

 Our last day in Florida was honestly one of the most entertaining experiences I’ve ever had. All of us went on a 20 person charter to try our hand at deep sea fishing.  I was so hesitant at first because I was intimidated by going out onto the ocean.  I grew up on boats but only ever went to our local lakes.  Lately in my life, I’ve learned to embrace the thrill of doing things that frighten me a little.

We climbed onto the boat and cruised down the windy channels that brought us out to sea. The skies were heavy and grey, which is actually perfect for fishing. The crew gave us instructions whilst slicing up bait for the chum buckets.  It was shocking in the way that I really wasn’t prepared for what I saw. We each learned how to bait our hooks and drop our lines.  I jumped right in.

Boom. After minutes of having our lines dropped, swaying in the waves a few miles away from the shore we started catching fish! They were bright and colorful, not what I expected at all.  It was a whirlwind to see what we caught. The build up of feeling something grab at your line, then having to reel it in with all your might was exhilarating.

With plenty of help from each other and the crew, our group caught a total of 21 fish.  We released most of them back to the ocean due to size and species restrictions.  Megan caught a puffer fish, which is pretty rare to pull out of the water like that. The crew member sat down and let us take a closer look before releasing him back to the sea.

Tony was one of the crew members, he helped unhook our catch and measure to see if they met the specs.

We got to take home 5 of our fish after they prepped them for us.  We marinated and grilled them for dinner that night, and it was honestly so delicious and fresh. Even if we hadn’t caught anything, and our intention wasn’t to bring something home.  The experience of being out on the water, all of us laughing and squealing with excitement was worth it. I was sad our week was coming to a close, this time away from everything familiar to me helped me expand my mind and learn to love and accept the place i am in in my life.  I could have shared so much more, and I’m sure I will as time goes on, but I hold onto all of the new memories I created, whether or not a camera was present.

Florida Part III Miami

Oh my goodness have you ever been to a place where the water is so blue you couldn’t believe it was real?! The only beaches I have been to were deep blue and chilly, absolutely nothing like South Beach, Miami.  My dad told us we had to take a day to see Miami and I am so happy we went.  One day wasn’t nearly enough though. We all stayed in the water the entire day, floating in the shallow waves, catching little sand crabs and filming fish on our fake-pro (a generic goPro). The city towered over the coast majestically and eventually we had to regain our land legs to go get something to eat.

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After we were forced to leave the water by our sun-burned skin and need for food we ventured into Miami Beach and went down to Lincoln Lane where there were lots of restaurants and shopping.  It reminded me of how New York City closes down parts of Broadway in Herald Square for outdoor dining and temporary pop-up restaurants from around the 5 boroughs.  The vibe was very Miami Vice though, I loved the stucco buildings, archways and palm tree lined sidewalks. We ate at Havana 1957 and had an amazing Cuban dinner outside on the sidewalk under umbrellas and huge fans.

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The family branched off and we all went our own ways to do some exploring.  Megan and I found a shaved ice cream shop through an alley way of palms and an outdoor coffee shop. It had a private little courtyard where we got to eat our sundaes together and watched green parrots flit and fly around.

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Wearing BCBGeneration shorts and top, H&M hat

After  dinner and shopping we walked the ocean path back to our car and enjoyed the full moon casting its light through the Miami skies.

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It really wasn’t enough time. I want to make it a point to go back to Miami and take it all in. The perfectly turquoise waters and the vibe of the bustling city beyond its calming waves was mind altering and honestly took me away from everything that I’ve been carrying with me these last few months.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Florida Part II

Like I was saying in my previous post, Florida has been a really positive place for me. Since we were so close to the beach there was not a single day we didn’t spend some time there.  The water is so warm and the sand so soft. Nothing like what I’m used to with beaches in the northeast.  Usually getting into that water you have to go numb before you can get all the way in because the water is freezing. The craziest part about the water in Florida both in Hollywood and Miami, were the little fish that would swim around our feet. It tickled and scared the shit out of me because I don’t like not knowing what is touching me and have an irrational fear of a shark attack (not to mention it was shark week last week, so that was heavily on my brain).

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Megan and I made the effort to wake up early enough to watch the sun rise over the ocean, neither of us had ever experienced it before and was totally worth the lack of sleep.

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Since we were up so early we watched the restaurant, Broadwalk, next to our house open up for breakfast and got outdoor seating over-looking the ocean. We started out having breakfast with my sister and her boyfriend and the rest of my family members trickled into the restaurant as they woke up.

 

Mimosas on the beach were essential.

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Then we hit the beach.

Wearing H&M hat and Bikini…found this cute mandala blanket on Amazon for $19.99!

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Wearing an Ella Moss one piece.

So just before this trip I was desperate to find a one piece that was trendy and youthful, but also made me feel feminine. Days before we had to leave I stopped into Marshall’s and took a peak in their clearance section, they were almost sold out of all of their swimwear and this one jumped out at me. The only one piece in my size and with all the flattering cut outs…done! It was only $30 too.

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We ate some amazing meals most of which were Mexican or Cuban my absolute favorite. I did some research one day and found a really great taco place just off the boardwalk in Hollywood called Taco Beach Shack.  They had the coolest outdoor dining area with tons of string lights, fans and Mexican decor. The food was out of this world especially the  grilled corn, I hope I can recreate it.

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My Dad and I…see the resemblance?

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After dinner they started setting up a live band which we sat and listened to for a while having lots of margs and dancing along. The atmosphere was everything you could want from a traditional Mexican restaurant, the vibe and the people had an amazing energy.

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Wearing BCBGeneration pants, F21 tank

One of my favorite things to do was to relax on our balcony.  We had views of the city and the ocean, almost a whole 360 degrees.  I’d watch thunderstorms roll in, and a few really incredible sunsets.

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It literally took my breath away…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

90’s Child

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27. That is where I am today. Born in 1991 this dress may possibly be as old as me. I was given the task of helping my mom clean out her closet a few weeks ago and saw this gem. The 90’s were cool but I was a child of many fashion disasters, like those little floral dresses with the weird built-in bibs (anyone know what I’m talking about here?).

My headshot circa 1995

 

Also, I had bangs…with curly hair…I love my parents but why the bangs? They always stuck up like I had horns because my hair curled on the top of my forehead. But I’ve survived all of that and even took the risk this last year of cutting my hair shoulder length and that’s working out too.

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This last year of my life was pretty amazing, I was living in New York City working in fashion wholesale and had a studio apartment in Harlem with my girlfriend. We adopted two kitties from the ASPCA and shared so many memories as a little family.  I’ve said in previous posts (24, Seven Ten) that my birthday is an important day for me. I like to reflect on the changes in myself; my growth, my opportunities and all of the things I have accomplished.  Each year is a milestone to me and learning how to tell people my new age is like writing 2014 on a form at the doctor’s office but hello its now 2018 how could I be lost in time?! Anyway, my goal for this year is to do the things I say I want to do.

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I had six months off from life after I had shoulder surgery. I needed time off of work because the recovery process is long and brutal and that gave me a lot of time to myself, maybe a little too much time. Now I’m back to work and working through life lessons that no one really prepares us for, but our parents warn us about from their own life experiences. The amount of love and support I have received from my loved ones and my friends has been that guiding light for me and now that today is officially six months post-op (I picked January 10th on purpose knowing my freedom date would be my birthday) I can now ride my horse again and do all the fun activities I love to do like a true Upstate New Yorker. This year will be a good year like every other year has been, and I’m also aware that there may be some struggles in my future and I’m ok with that because with every struggle comes a strength.

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Wearing vintage Ulterior Motives dress and Nine West sandals

The New New

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Wearing DKNY hoodie | Cavin Klein leggings | Target sneakers

Have you ever seen something and you’re immediately like “I need this.” It happens to me all the time. I know I’m not the only one, however.  When I see certain things especially clothes and shoes, I have instantaneous visions of how I would wear them.  Each piece of my outfit happened that way. I was working as a stylist for the hoidays and stumbled upon this DKNY hoodie. It was the last one, my size and very affordable so I grabbed it. I needed it. A day or two later I had a customer who was inquiring about these Calvin Klein leggings. They ended up not fitting into her holiday shopping budget but I knew the moment I saw them they would be A-Mazing with my new hoodie.

Some weeks later after the holidays came to a close I saw these sneakers at Target…yes Target…and just had to have them. I was in love.  My girlfriend loved them too and helped persuade me into buying them (not that I needed much persuading honestly). But in my mind I had created this ensemble already and couldn’t wait to bring it to life. My brain works like a virtual closet. I know they make apps for this now but I create and store images in my mind of every peice of clothing in my wardrobe and all of my accessories.

 

 

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I wanted to get something on the blog for the new year.  I’ve become more comfortable with myself physically as I get older.  I’m going out more without makeup and loving my skin and my face for what it is.  This is a tough environment to learn how to love yourself in and I watch everyone around me go through the same thing. But if we create the love and acceptance within ourselves first we can help those around us feel more comfortable.

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I hope 2018 brings a lot of new experiences and lessons.  I know I’m making changes every day. On a side note, this will be my last post for a while as I recover from shoulder sugery. I will be reading all my favorite blogs and dreaming of amazing outfits.

 

Something New

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Wearing Free People sweater under BCBGeneration dress with Frye boots

As things change in my life whether they are unexpected or even possibly for the better, it is always a shocking reminder that life is not necessarily in my control.  Having moved back to my dreamy little farm in upstate New York, I do miss the livelihood of the city and the ever changing faces around me. Learning how to embrace change still presents a challenge to me.  I love it don’t get me wrong, I crave it honestly but I still struggle because although I may see into what is changing, I can never truly predict the future.

Since I love change so much I thought I needed a drastic change and got my hair cut.  I used to have bangs when I was a pre-teen and hated them.  Now, at 26 I love myself a lot more and embrace how my body, face and hair have changed over the years. I feel like a new person and I can still kind of see that little girl deep inside learning to love herself too.

Winter here has been so mild it doesn’t actually feel like winter.  Today marks the ten year anniversary of when I brought my horse, Hunter, home.  I remember how snowy and icy it was then and now I’m wearing a thick sweater and tights, barely feeling the elements. I’m not complaining but I do hope it snows before the holidays.

Silver Skies and Silver Toes

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Wearing Zara shoes | Gap joggers | Zara scarf 

Moody skies are resonating with me right now since I am currently fighting through a mean headcold that has me feeling really sluggish and blah.  I’m not the type of person that can sit still for long, so when my body is telling me to rest, my brain is swirling with ideas.

These shoes from Zara are just so cool, they literally match the silver skies, or maybe they’re just grabbing the reflection.  Either way I love them. I threw them on with these joggers, which by-the-way I stole from my girlfriend. We have an open closet policy in our relationship because I love her style. It’s more of a “hey I’m wearing this, hope ya don’t mind” kind of thing, I don’t ask for permission. I take her more masculine pieces and add my own character to them, like these shoes. We’re very different people, but we inspire each other every day.