Self Love

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When something bothers me it’s hard to get it off my mind. I have to talk about it with the people closest to me.  I enjoy and  value social media in the way that it gives everyone the opportunity to express themselves, the same way I feel about fashion. Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate people’s intentions, however.  When you look through the filters and the captions, is the real person behind all of it?

 

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Staying genuine to who I really am is important to me, but I’m sure I could be perceived differently than that because perception is subjective. And being an influencer is also important to me, but the message I want to convey is not be like me, but find yourself and how beautiful it is to be original and unique.  Self love is often the hardest to find, I speak from experience. I see and have seen so many people I love in my life go through the same struggle and it is one that never actually ends.

 

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I love inspiring people. Outside of the cyber world I talk about my clothes, give advice to my loved ones and try to live my best life. I never want that to end, I feel it’s part of my purpose here.

 

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I am wearing Zara shorts, F21 duster and H&M booties

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Creating My Own Canvas

 

 I do this for myself. I create my own canvas.

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For years I’ve struggled with feeling like I had to choose between two versions of me. Raised on a small farm secluded from the neighborhood kids I developed a strong bond to myself and my family. I learned about who I was from a very young age because I spent a lot of my time alone with my thoughts.

Fast forward to now and I can tell you a piece of me remains that way, however, I crave the stimulation of a buzzing city, art and creativity. I long for diversity and variety in people and places. When I am in the city I miss the farm and solitude and when I am in upstate New York I miss the stimulation. I’m learning how to find that balance and blend my two worlds together.

I love capturing the contrast and really sitting with it. Officially knee deep in my mid-twenties I have learned to love myself even more and found ways to express my creativity and truest nature. I feel that many people in my position are still struggling to find that truth bogged down by the pressures of society. College may have given us the diploma, but where do we go from here? How does the self fit into this new landscape yielding to us? And so I turn to things like photography, writing and fashion to give myself the outlet not provided to me, reestablishing my genuine thoughts, my raw creativity.

Wearing Michael Kors romper, vintage 1980’s belt, H&M boots

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ballin’ on a Budget

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Wearing Free People jumpsuit, Steve Madden shoes

 

When I envision myself, this is what I see.  Maybe the years of running through open fields in summer dresses with my sister has something to do with that, or maybe it’s my fascination with Vogue spreads, who knows. But, when I try something on or see it hanging delectably off of a mannequin, I imagine myself in all my femininity running through a field one with myself and nature.

As I said before, almost everything in my closet has a story.  This one has been told countless times to all my friends and family due to my sheer excitement and dire need to own this jumpsuit.

I first saw it in a window at Lord and Taylor and was immediately drawn to it, Megan even pointed it out to me.  Weeks had gone by and we had to head to the mall to get some last minute things for our trip to Florida when I saw it there again, still in the window.  I stopped to check the price, and knew it was not going to fit in my budget. It stayed on my mind though and when I had to go back yet again to pick something up, it was gone.

  Now I was panicked like I lost my chance. I went and found it, the very last one and it was marked down! I tried it on and needed it desperately so I put it on hold.

Two days before I had to leave I went back one final time, money in hand. The associate told me it had been put back on the floor after markdowns were taken, and me, devastated, would not believe this could be true! Having worked retail for so long I knew that it had to be on a rolling rod somewhere in the back so a merchandiser could take the markdowns.  I pleaded with the girl to please check one more time since I was leaving for vacation in a matter of hours.  She did. As she walked over to me, jumpsuit in hand, I was elated.  Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better she rang it up revealing it had received another markdown going from $148 to $78 to now $37. That’s when I knew it was meant to be mine.

Cloudy Florals


Wearing Zara dress | Vince Camuto boots

Grey with clouds, the melancholy of autumn is seeping in. The weather is warm with the memory of summer, the trees more and more bare, a foreshadow of winter. Always in transition, I love this time of year.

On the Pier

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Top: BCBG | Jeans: Zara | Shoes: Steve Madden

The Boat Basin in New York City has become my go-to spot.  My girlfriend and I had discovered it while riding on the bike path that hugs the Hudson River. We actually rode by it about a dozen times before we finally decided we needed to check it out, and ever since then we have shared it with our friends and family and drank several pitchers of pina coladas in between.

September in New York is just an extension of summer.  I scored these jeans at Zara for $19.99 during their semi annual sale weeks ago and wear them with everything.  They’re high-waisted, mom-ish and torn in all the right places.  I’ve also worn these shoes seen in a previous post, “When it’s too Cold, Drink Coffee” so much I want to clone them. They are my all time favorite shoe, velvet, pink and somewhat masculine. I’m all about wearing something I love over and over again. The same piece can breathe new light when it’s styled with something different. I get a boost of new energy when two not-so-new pieces of my wardrobe create a look I haven’t worn before. It’s just as good as buying something new, even better actually, because I’m not breaking the bank.

Thoughts into Words

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Wearing Guess Denim | Zara Boots | Zara Top | Jacket gifted

Remember what it was to be young and hopeful. Always try to hone that feeling in. In the last few years so much has changed in my adult life. I continue to struggle with what it is exactly I want to do or be as an adult, because my unconventional self cannot fit into the molds provided for me. I see myself surrounded by love and light in my present and my future so how do I live day to day with the struggles of my reality without clouding this beautiful perception? The amount of debt, hours worked and countless odds and ends to fix, address and complete stack up against me. I try to peer through the mist, the vines entangling my imagination of the best life possible for me and the people I love. I get small windows of clarity that keep me going, that remind me and help me recognize and re familiarize the truth within. The truth in this life is to remain compassionate to all, embrace what is life and not the things in it.

Enveloped in Ice

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Are we an over saturated culture? Am I just another millennial who doesn’t want to work, or am I rebelling against this “American Dream” that my parents and their parents before them fought for. I see how far they have come, having beautiful children and beautiful homes but they live with a cloud of unhappiness that haunts them even when they feel something good. They go to jobs that are unfulfilling and they won’t leave because of the looming responsibility hung over their heads. What I used to think when I started my first real job out of college was ‘Oh my god why don’t these people go for something better? They have experience and knowledge they’re all fearful.’ Fearful yes, but also trapped, trapped by society’s chains of debt and illusions. Can I just express myself creativley and be happy? How do I step outide of the same situation my parents are in and flourish.  All of us could flourish, I can’t be so nieve to think that there has to be something more than that American dream. I see it. I do understand, however, that I would not be able to escape to the beauty of my family farm upstate if it weren’t for my parents’ hard work and dedication.  I do believe that beause of that I was able to grow into the person I am today. There are instances where they communicate their dreams to me before they became parents, expressing things they thought they would grow up to be, but life does take hold and things change.  When they tell me I can be whoever and whatever I want to be I take it seriously because I want them to be proud of the fact that I’ve taken my life into my own hands to become a truly happy and expressive individual.  I still want many of the same things they gave to me as a child, so I have not totally deserted that American Dream, I just want to do it differently.