I do this for myself. I create my own canvas.
For years I’ve struggled with feeling like I had to choose between two versions of me. Raised on a small farm secluded from the neighborhood kids I developed a strong bond to myself and my family. I learned about who I was from a very young age because I spent a lot of my time alone with my thoughts.
Fast forward to now and I can tell you a piece of me remains that way, however, I crave the stimulation of a buzzing city, art and creativity. I long for diversity and variety in people and places. When I am in the city I miss the farm and solitude and when I am in upstate New York I miss the stimulation. I’m learning how to find that balance and blend my two worlds together.
I love capturing the contrast and really sitting with it. Officially knee deep in my mid-twenties I have learned to love myself even more and found ways to express my creativity and truest nature. I feel that many people in my position are still struggling to find that truth bogged down by the pressures of society. College may have given us the diploma, but where do we go from here? How does the self fit into this new landscape yielding to us? And so I turn to things like photography, writing and fashion to give myself the outlet not provided to me, reestablishing my genuine thoughts, my raw creativity.
Wearing Michael Kors romper, vintage 1980’s belt, H&M boots
Top: Target | Leggings: Express
I love this city. I can feel buzzing energy all around me. Sometimes it makes me feel giddy like I could skip down the street as if I were ten years old again. It’s the kind of energy that sparks my imagination, a muscle not exercised enough by my day to day routine and I miss that portal of my mind. I’m back to work this week and relentlessly trying to figure out a way to balance the things I would like to do with the things I have to do, due to my responsibilities. Going for a walk, even if it’s the short distance between my apartment and the downtown train, brings an open field to my brain and a wider vision to my eyes where I start to think and see and imagine what’s ahead, what’s next and what’s right in front of me. You can walk down the same street every day and see something you haven’t before weather it’s your imagination or architecture you hadn’t recognized before.
On the final day of my staycation I went for a walk in Central Park starting at the very north end. I honestly wanted to make it relatively short just to get some fresh air but was inspired by the landscape and my feet kept going. With the momentum of my body syncing into a rhythm I couldn’t break, I began to think about how amazing this city is, how vast and beautiful it can be. Reminding me that many opportunities are ahead of me because I’ve already come this far.
I was gifted these leggings for Christmas, the whole mesh trend was something I needed to hop onto. When I’m not having to get dressed up I immediately go for something athleisure, I think it’s the equestrian in me because I would live in breeches and athletic tops all year round upstate. It’s comfortable and luckily this look is pretty common so for me to leave the house without actually having to go to a gym is highly acceptable.
I crave adventure. But not in the way that I want to seek thrills. I’m constantly searching to stimulate my mind through new experiences and exploration which is a huge reason for my relocation to New York City. In my last post I talked about the journey to get to this point, and I am so happy to say I’ve settled in Harlem. With my time crunch due to a demanding job, I am always squeezing in tiny adventures. Needless to say I hadn’t gone around my new neighborhood very much, only to grab groceries and walk to the subway. So I decided that I wanted to embrace my new home and really see what was in store for me.
The City College of New York is just down the block overlooking St Nicholas Park which has incredible views of Harlem. It has steep hills, winding pathways and grand stairways bordered with wrought iron fences. It felt like a fantasy land with the remnants of the last snow storm we had. The building towering over the hills is Shepard Hall a staple to the college’s image. I was in total awe of the whole atmosphere feeling both regal and surprisingly serene
On another note, I was gifted this dress from Zara for Christmas, it was something I had my eye on for a while. I love how it’s literally an over sized sweatshirt but paired with tights and heeled boots it has become sporty, comfy and sexy all at the same time.
Zara is currently having a huge post holiday sale, I’ve seen some really cool pieces and the deals are even better. This is an ideal time to freshen up your wardrobe.
Dress: Zara | Coat: Michael Kors | Boots: Guess
When I said I wanted to move to New York, I said it with the hope of unveiling something incredible. It is my dream to be able to express myself, create, and motivate others to see the beauty in life. No matter where I am beauty is there. Perception is the key, and changing it is the secret.
So here I am, in the city I’ve dreamed of living in. It’s been over a month since I’ve moved; two apartments, a few weeks sleeping on an air mattress, and a big adventure ahead of me. Since I was consumed by uprooting the life I’ve always known, I didn’t have a lot of opportunity to post anything.
I can tell you the process to get to this point is not what you read in stories or watch on television. The glamour is what you make of it. I was lucky enough to be in a loving relationship with a person who helped achieve this wild dream. Together we drove ourselves until no end, looking for apartments between all hours worked, and both coming down with pneumonia the first week in our new city, there was no rest, no down time. Good news is it all paid off and I am pinching myself to see what I have accomplished. I’m hopeful and excited to see where this next chapter will bring me. I miss my family and my beloved animals every day, but I must keep things moving in order to progress.
An interesting note: I bought this jacket after my birthday in July, the brand is Blank NYC. At that point in time I was wishing for a sign, something to help push me to make this move. It was too hot for a leather jacket but I scooped it up anyway. I couldn’t wait to post it on here and find the right moment to wear it. How apropos, it was perfect for the mild weather we were having.
Shoes: Michael Kors | Jacket: BlankNYC | Jeans: Zara
Bodysuit: Free People | Jeans: Paige Denim | Shoes: Michael Kors | Sunglasses: Rayban