Roots

The ultimate cliche–gone back to my roots. Watching movies where the character seems to have lost it all, they return to where it all began.  In that process the realization sets in that what was once lost has been there the whole time. Living in that cliche I’ve learned the core of your being stays the same, no one can take away experiences, your love for people and the things that created you.

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My life is in constant motion, the sun rises and the sun sets and not a single person can stop that.  Anxiety provoking? Yes. However, it can be therapuetic in way knowing the current situation won’t stay as it is as long as I keep waking and resting with the rest of the world.   Opportunities keep yeilding themselves to me, and every one I take I learn something new.  I am grateful for what is yet to come and for all that I’ve had.

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I’m en route to New York City as we speak to add another experience under my belt, Coterie. A global event really, the mission: to present and sell spring 2019 of various designers to retailers around the world.

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Wearing Zara hat and dress, Coach boots

 

 

 

 

 

 

Self Love

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When something bothers me it’s hard to get it off my mind. I have to talk about it with the people closest to me.  I enjoy and  value social media in the way that it gives everyone the opportunity to express themselves, the same way I feel about fashion. Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate people’s intentions, however.  When you look through the filters and the captions, is the real person behind all of it?

 

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Staying genuine to who I really am is important to me, but I’m sure I could be perceived differently than that because perception is subjective. And being an influencer is also important to me, but the message I want to convey is not be like me, but find yourself and how beautiful it is to be original and unique.  Self love is often the hardest to find, I speak from experience. I see and have seen so many people I love in my life go through the same struggle and it is one that never actually ends.

 

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I love inspiring people. Outside of the cyber world I talk about my clothes, give advice to my loved ones and try to live my best life. I never want that to end, I feel it’s part of my purpose here.

 

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I am wearing Zara shorts, F21 duster and H&M booties

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Creating My Own Canvas

 

 I do this for myself. I create my own canvas.

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For years I’ve struggled with feeling like I had to choose between two versions of me. Raised on a small farm secluded from the neighborhood kids I developed a strong bond to myself and my family. I learned about who I was from a very young age because I spent a lot of my time alone with my thoughts.

Fast forward to now and I can tell you a piece of me remains that way, however, I crave the stimulation of a buzzing city, art and creativity. I long for diversity and variety in people and places. When I am in the city I miss the farm and solitude and when I am in upstate New York I miss the stimulation. I’m learning how to find that balance and blend my two worlds together.

I love capturing the contrast and really sitting with it. Officially knee deep in my mid-twenties I have learned to love myself even more and found ways to express my creativity and truest nature. I feel that many people in my position are still struggling to find that truth bogged down by the pressures of society. College may have given us the diploma, but where do we go from here? How does the self fit into this new landscape yielding to us? And so I turn to things like photography, writing and fashion to give myself the outlet not provided to me, reestablishing my genuine thoughts, my raw creativity.

Wearing Michael Kors romper, vintage 1980’s belt, H&M boots

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ballin’ on a Budget

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Wearing Free People jumpsuit, Steve Madden shoes

 

When I envision myself, this is what I see.  Maybe the years of running through open fields in summer dresses with my sister has something to do with that, or maybe it’s my fascination with Vogue spreads, who knows. But, when I try something on or see it hanging delectably off of a mannequin, I imagine myself in all my femininity running through a field one with myself and nature.

As I said before, almost everything in my closet has a story.  This one has been told countless times to all my friends and family due to my sheer excitement and dire need to own this jumpsuit.

I first saw it in a window at Lord and Taylor and was immediately drawn to it, Megan even pointed it out to me.  Weeks had gone by and we had to head to the mall to get some last minute things for our trip to Florida when I saw it there again, still in the window.  I stopped to check the price, and knew it was not going to fit in my budget. It stayed on my mind though and when I had to go back yet again to pick something up, it was gone.

  Now I was panicked like I lost my chance. I went and found it, the very last one and it was marked down! I tried it on and needed it desperately so I put it on hold.

Two days before I had to leave I went back one final time, money in hand. The associate told me it had been put back on the floor after markdowns were taken, and me, devastated, would not believe this could be true! Having worked retail for so long I knew that it had to be on a rolling rod somewhere in the back so a merchandiser could take the markdowns.  I pleaded with the girl to please check one more time since I was leaving for vacation in a matter of hours.  She did. As she walked over to me, jumpsuit in hand, I was elated.  Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better she rang it up revealing it had received another markdown going from $148 to $78 to now $37. That’s when I knew it was meant to be mine.

Florida Part IV

 Our last day in Florida was honestly one of the most entertaining experiences I’ve ever had. All of us went on a 20 person charter to try our hand at deep sea fishing.  I was so hesitant at first because I was intimidated by going out onto the ocean.  I grew up on boats but only ever went to our local lakes.  Lately in my life, I’ve learned to embrace the thrill of doing things that frighten me a little.

We climbed onto the boat and cruised down the windy channels that brought us out to sea. The skies were heavy and grey, which is actually perfect for fishing. The crew gave us instructions whilst slicing up bait for the chum buckets.  It was shocking in the way that I really wasn’t prepared for what I saw. We each learned how to bait our hooks and drop our lines.  I jumped right in.

Boom. After minutes of having our lines dropped, swaying in the waves a few miles away from the shore we started catching fish! They were bright and colorful, not what I expected at all.  It was a whirlwind to see what we caught. The build up of feeling something grab at your line, then having to reel it in with all your might was exhilarating.

With plenty of help from each other and the crew, our group caught a total of 21 fish.  We released most of them back to the ocean due to size and species restrictions.  Megan caught a puffer fish, which is pretty rare to pull out of the water like that. The crew member sat down and let us take a closer look before releasing him back to the sea.

Tony was one of the crew members, he helped unhook our catch and measure to see if they met the specs.

We got to take home 5 of our fish after they prepped them for us.  We marinated and grilled them for dinner that night, and it was honestly so delicious and fresh. Even if we hadn’t caught anything, and our intention wasn’t to bring something home.  The experience of being out on the water, all of us laughing and squealing with excitement was worth it. I was sad our week was coming to a close, this time away from everything familiar to me helped me expand my mind and learn to love and accept the place i am in in my life.  I could have shared so much more, and I’m sure I will as time goes on, but I hold onto all of the new memories I created, whether or not a camera was present.

Florida Part III Miami

Oh my goodness have you ever been to a place where the water is so blue you couldn’t believe it was real?! The only beaches I have been to were deep blue and chilly, absolutely nothing like South Beach, Miami.  My dad told us we had to take a day to see Miami and I am so happy we went.  One day wasn’t nearly enough though. We all stayed in the water the entire day, floating in the shallow waves, catching little sand crabs and filming fish on our fake-pro (a generic goPro). The city towered over the coast majestically and eventually we had to regain our land legs to go get something to eat.

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After we were forced to leave the water by our sun-burned skin and need for food we ventured into Miami Beach and went down to Lincoln Lane where there were lots of restaurants and shopping.  It reminded me of how New York City closes down parts of Broadway in Herald Square for outdoor dining and temporary pop-up restaurants from around the 5 boroughs.  The vibe was very Miami Vice though, I loved the stucco buildings, archways and palm tree lined sidewalks. We ate at Havana 1957 and had an amazing Cuban dinner outside on the sidewalk under umbrellas and huge fans.

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The family branched off and we all went our own ways to do some exploring.  Megan and I found a shaved ice cream shop through an alley way of palms and an outdoor coffee shop. It had a private little courtyard where we got to eat our sundaes together and watched green parrots flit and fly around.

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Wearing BCBGeneration shorts and top, H&M hat

After  dinner and shopping we walked the ocean path back to our car and enjoyed the full moon casting its light through the Miami skies.

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It really wasn’t enough time. I want to make it a point to go back to Miami and take it all in. The perfectly turquoise waters and the vibe of the bustling city beyond its calming waves was mind altering and honestly took me away from everything that I’ve been carrying with me these last few months.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Florida Part II

Like I was saying in my previous post, Florida has been a really positive place for me. Since we were so close to the beach there was not a single day we didn’t spend some time there.  The water is so warm and the sand so soft. Nothing like what I’m used to with beaches in the northeast.  Usually getting into that water you have to go numb before you can get all the way in because the water is freezing. The craziest part about the water in Florida both in Hollywood and Miami, were the little fish that would swim around our feet. It tickled and scared the shit out of me because I don’t like not knowing what is touching me and have an irrational fear of a shark attack (not to mention it was shark week last week, so that was heavily on my brain).

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Megan and I made the effort to wake up early enough to watch the sun rise over the ocean, neither of us had ever experienced it before and was totally worth the lack of sleep.

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Since we were up so early we watched the restaurant, Broadwalk, next to our house open up for breakfast and got outdoor seating over-looking the ocean. We started out having breakfast with my sister and her boyfriend and the rest of my family members trickled into the restaurant as they woke up.

 

Mimosas on the beach were essential.

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Then we hit the beach.

Wearing H&M hat and Bikini…found this cute mandala blanket on Amazon for $19.99!

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Wearing an Ella Moss one piece.

So just before this trip I was desperate to find a one piece that was trendy and youthful, but also made me feel feminine. Days before we had to leave I stopped into Marshall’s and took a peak in their clearance section, they were almost sold out of all of their swimwear and this one jumped out at me. The only one piece in my size and with all the flattering cut outs…done! It was only $30 too.

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We ate some amazing meals most of which were Mexican or Cuban my absolute favorite. I did some research one day and found a really great taco place just off the boardwalk in Hollywood called Taco Beach Shack.  They had the coolest outdoor dining area with tons of string lights, fans and Mexican decor. The food was out of this world especially the  grilled corn, I hope I can recreate it.

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My Dad and I…see the resemblance?

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After dinner they started setting up a live band which we sat and listened to for a while having lots of margs and dancing along. The atmosphere was everything you could want from a traditional Mexican restaurant, the vibe and the people had an amazing energy.

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Wearing BCBGeneration pants, F21 tank

One of my favorite things to do was to relax on our balcony.  We had views of the city and the ocean, almost a whole 360 degrees.  I’d watch thunderstorms roll in, and a few really incredible sunsets.

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It literally took my breath away…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Something New

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Wearing Free People sweater under BCBGeneration dress with Frye boots

As things change in my life whether they are unexpected or even possibly for the better, it is always a shocking reminder that life is not necessarily in my control.  Having moved back to my dreamy little farm in upstate New York, I do miss the livelihood of the city and the ever changing faces around me. Learning how to embrace change still presents a challenge to me.  I love it don’t get me wrong, I crave it honestly but I still struggle because although I may see into what is changing, I can never truly predict the future.

Since I love change so much I thought I needed a drastic change and got my hair cut.  I used to have bangs when I was a pre-teen and hated them.  Now, at 26 I love myself a lot more and embrace how my body, face and hair have changed over the years. I feel like a new person and I can still kind of see that little girl deep inside learning to love herself too.

Winter here has been so mild it doesn’t actually feel like winter.  Today marks the ten year anniversary of when I brought my horse, Hunter, home.  I remember how snowy and icy it was then and now I’m wearing a thick sweater and tights, barely feeling the elements. I’m not complaining but I do hope it snows before the holidays.

This Morning

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 Wearing Free People denim | Macy’s cold shoulder sweater | K2 beanie

My everyday uniform for as long as I can remember is ripped jeans, a light sweater and vest, rain boots and a beanie. Having grown up on a farm since I was five, I’ve learned to dress in a versitile way and in a way where I didn’t mind getting a little dirty. Whether it’s sunny or rainy a good pair of rain boots, or any boot for that matter, is necessary. 

The last few weeks have gifted the northeast with some really beautiful weather and not to mention the leaves have peaked with vibrant foliage right in my backyard. Each morning I look out as I’m having my coffee and just bask at how picturesque the landscape is, so this morning I decided I would take Hunter out to graze on the lush grass before winter starts to creep in. I love spending time with him as he quietly munches, the wind brushes through the grass and the birds welcome the beginning of the day.  This December will mark 10 years since the day I brought him home. I found him totally by chance, but I knew when I saw him he was meant to come home with me.