A few weeks ago I committed the greatest crime–stealing from my mother. We’ve all done it, if not from mom then from a sister or bff for sure. Sometimes, in my opinion it’s better to ask for forgivenes than permission in these cases. I’ve also been on the other end of this equation, and I am always skeptical to let one of my pieces go. My mom snagged this Elie Tahari top for quite the steal, and showed it to me immediately during my lunch break. I can’t lie I was sooo jealous, I love a great deal, hell I get a rush from it! But, I let my mom have it knowing someday I’d sneak it into my wardrobe.
After asking me to help her clean and organize her closet (a fun hobby of mine I should make money doing it) I saw the top and took it home with me. Posting it on social media was brave and I gave credit where it was due. She actually loved how I styled it and wanted to borrow my pants! I had to share her version, she literally stole my look Joan Rivers style. Who says mommas can’t look just as good!!
Wearing Elie Tahari top, Free People jeans, mom in Zara booties
For years I’ve struggled with feeling like I had to choose between two versions of me. Raised on a small farm secluded from the neighborhood kids I developed a strong bond to myself and my family. I learned about who I was from a very young age because I spent a lot of my time alone with my thoughts.
Fast forward to now and I can tell you a piece of me remains that way, however, I crave the stimulation of a buzzing city, art and creativity. I long for diversity and variety in people and places. When I am in the city I miss the farm and solitude and when I am in upstate New York I miss the stimulation. I’m learning how to find that balance and blend my two worlds together.
I love capturing the contrast and really sitting with it. Officially knee deep in my mid-twenties I have learned to love myself even more and found ways to express my creativity and truest nature. I feel that many people in my position are still struggling to find that truth bogged down by the pressures of society. College may have given us the diploma, but where do we go from here? How does the self fit into this new landscape yielding to us? And so I turn to things like photography, writing and fashion to give myself the outlet not provided to me, reestablishing my genuine thoughts, my raw creativity.
Wearing Michael Kors romper, vintage 1980’s belt, H&M boots
Since being home from a really nice and long overdue break, it has been difficult to adjust back to my old routine. Honestly I hate routines although some things require it such as, good hygiene, sleep and exercise, I loved having the stimulation of being somewhere new and experiencing a different wave of energy.
Ever since I was a young girl I have always had a fascination with flowers and plants. I loved gardening and picking bouquets of wildflowers to keep on my nightstand. My sister and I would catch butterflies in the horse pastures and release them into my bedroom to flutter around for the day then return them back to the wild.
When I came home from Florida I had a lot of new energy and ideas with me, I felt like I was in a really good mental space. Like I was saying earlier breaking the routine is so important to me. After a while I began to lose sight and made plans just to get through each day or each week resulting in tunnel vision.
I am happy to be home with my animals and my own comfy bed, that is always a plus. But I am also inspired to get out and do more. I want to make the rest of this year an adventure since I spent the first six months recovering from a major surgery, not that that wasn’t an adventure in and of itself. I had to hustle to make ends meet while also being physically impaired. I’ll share more on that and my dog-walking adventures soon.
During my hustle to make ends meet, I wasn’t always able to freshen my wardrobe. I’ve become creative with recycling old outfits and even borrowing from family to liven up some tired pieces. This maxi skirt is from Marshall’s circa 2013 roughly. I gave it to my mom when I couldn’t find ways to wear it anymore. I saw it recently in her wardrobe and it popped out at me telling me to take it! The sweater and the bralette were part of my buying frenzy as a manager at Macy’s, they have also been laying around wanting some wear.
I get a lot of my style inspiration from other style blogs, my friends and people walking by. I saw a picture of Karlie Kloss wearing a maxi skirt with a long sleeve tee and white sneakers on her Instagram and loved it, that is how this look was born with a little bit of my own countryside style.
Wearing BCBGeneration top, Free People bralette, Maxi skirt is from Marshalls
Our last day in Florida was honestly one of the most entertaining experiences I’ve ever had. All of us went on a 20 person charter to try our hand at deep sea fishing. I was so hesitant at first because I was intimidated by going out onto the ocean. I grew up on boats but only ever went to our local lakes. Lately in my life, I’ve learned to embrace the thrill of doing things that frighten me a little.
We climbed onto the boat and cruised down the windy channels that brought us out to sea. The skies were heavy and grey, which is actually perfect for fishing. The crew gave us instructions whilst slicing up bait for the chum buckets. It was shocking in the way that I really wasn’t prepared for what I saw. We each learned how to bait our hooks and drop our lines. I jumped right in.
Boom. After minutes of having our lines dropped, swaying in the waves a few miles away from the shore we started catching fish! They were bright and colorful, not what I expected at all. It was a whirlwind to see what we caught. The build up of feeling something grab at your line, then having to reel it in with all your might was exhilarating.
With plenty of help from each other and the crew, our group caught a total of 21 fish. We released most of them back to the ocean due to size and species restrictions. Megan caught a puffer fish, which is pretty rare to pull out of the water like that. The crew member sat down and let us take a closer look before releasing him back to the sea.
Tony was one of the crew members, he helped unhook our catch and measure to see if they met the specs.
We got to take home 5 of our fish after they prepped them for us. We marinated and grilled them for dinner that night, and it was honestly so delicious and fresh. Even if we hadn’t caught anything, and our intention wasn’t to bring something home. The experience of being out on the water, all of us laughing and squealing with excitement was worth it. I was sad our week was coming to a close, this time away from everything familiar to me helped me expand my mind and learn to love and accept the place i am in in my life. I could have shared so much more, and I’m sure I will as time goes on, but I hold onto all of the new memories I created, whether or not a camera was present.
27. That is where I am today. Born in 1991 this dress may possibly be as old as me. I was given the task of helping my mom clean out her closet a few weeks ago and saw this gem. The 90’s were cool but I was a child of many fashion disasters, like those little floral dresses with the weird built-in bibs (anyone know what I’m talking about here?).
Also, I had bangs…with curly hair…I love my parents but why the bangs? They always stuck up like I had horns because my hair curled on the top of my forehead. But I’ve survived all of that and even took the risk this last year of cutting my hair shoulder length and that’s working out too.
This last year of my life was pretty amazing, I was living in New York City working in fashion wholesale and had a studio apartment in Harlem with my girlfriend. We adopted two kitties from the ASPCA and shared so many memories as a little family. I’ve said in previous posts (24, Seven Ten) that my birthday is an important day for me. I like to reflect on the changes in myself; my growth, my opportunities and all of the things I have accomplished. Each year is a milestone to me and learning how to tell people my new age is like writing 2014 on a form at the doctor’s office but hello its now 2018 how could I be lost in time?! Anyway, my goal for this year is to do the things I say I want to do.
I had six months off from life after I had shoulder surgery. I needed time off of work because the recovery process is long and brutal and that gave me a lot of time to myself, maybe a little too much time. Now I’m back to work and working through life lessons that no one really prepares us for, but our parents warn us about from their own life experiences. The amount of love and support I have received from my loved ones and my friends has been that guiding light for me and now that today is officially six months post-op (I picked January 10th on purpose knowing my freedom date would be my birthday) I can now ride my horse again and do all the fun activities I love to do like a true Upstate New Yorker. This year will be a good year like every other year has been, and I’m also aware that there may be some struggles in my future and I’m ok with that because with every struggle comes a strength.
Wearing vintage Ulterior Motives dress and Nine West sandals
Nothing makes me happier than seeing others thrive and succeed especially when those people are near and dear to me. A good friend of mine hosted a fashion show where she and a few designers curated their own small collections. Needless to say it was a huge success and incredibly inspiring. We’ve been through it all, from countless sleepless nights at FIT together to a beautiful display of one of her biggest achievements to date.
I wouldn’t miss this event if my life depended on it. And it was my first outing since my surgery last month. I literally saw the doctor the day prior and got the okay to go. Megan and I packed up the car, styled our outfits the morning of and left for Brooklyn. Before the show we had a quick dinner at Mesa Coyoacan a quaint Spanish restaurant in Williamsburg with an excellent authentic margarita. Afterwards we headed to A New Space for Women, which held her event. All our proceeds from ticket sales and pins designed by the designers went to charities of their choice. We had an amazing time catching up with friends and seeing their hard work come to fruition. I’ll be sure to share the vlog Megan is working on this week.
We never imagine exactly what our success will look like, but we do imagine the feeling.
Wearing Zara velvet trousers (similar pair here, and here)| Zara boots |BCBGeneration blazer
Wearing DKNY hoodie | Cavin Klein leggings | Target sneakers
Have you ever seen something and you’re immediately like “I need this.” It happens to me all the time. I know I’m not the only one, however. When I see certain things especially clothes and shoes, I have instantaneous visions of how I would wear them. Each piece of my outfit happened that way. I was working as a stylist for the hoidays and stumbled upon this DKNY hoodie. It was the last one, my size and very affordable so I grabbed it. I needed it. A day or two later I had a customer who was inquiring about these Calvin Klein leggings. They ended up not fitting into her holiday shopping budget but I knew the moment I saw them they would be A-Mazing with my new hoodie.
Some weeks later after the holidays came to a close I saw these sneakers at Target…yes Target…and just had to have them. I was in love. My girlfriend loved them too and helped persuade me into buying them (not that I needed much persuading honestly). But in my mind I had created this ensemble already and couldn’t wait to bring it to life. My brain works like a virtual closet. I know they make apps for this now but I create and store images in my mind of every peice of clothing in my wardrobe and all of my accessories.
I wanted to get something on the blog for the new year. I’ve become more comfortable with myself physically as I get older. I’m going out more without makeup and loving my skin and my face for what it is. This is a tough environment to learn how to love yourself in and I watch everyone around me go through the same thing. But if we create the love and acceptance within ourselves first we can help those around us feel more comfortable.
I hope 2018 brings a lot of new experiences and lessons. I know I’m making changes every day. On a side note, this will be my last post for a while as I recover from shoulder sugery. I will be reading all my favorite blogs and dreaming of amazing outfits.
Wearing Zara jacket, Free People jeans, Frye boots, vintage Coach bag
It’s been two months since Megan and I moved back upstate from the city. I can’t even begin to express how much I miss living there. The diversity, hearing a handful of languages spoken all at once, the way people dress, laugh, experience and enjoy the city stimulates me. I do consider myself lucky to live within driving distance even if it is two and a half to three hours. However, I am reminded daily that all things do happen for a reason and not to sound cliche about it all I really do believe that.
Last week I went to my former job here in upstate New York just to see people and say hello. Unexpectedly, I ran into my good friend and stylist who I love dearly and long story short I am now an assistant stylist for the holiday season! This opportunity is amazing and honestly a dream of mine. Helping people is the ultimate high for me. So being able to assist them in finding great clothes that make them feel amazing, beautiful, handsome, and insert any another words for those feelings, makes me feel like my purpose here is important and appreciated.
I am so happy I was in the city yesterday with Megan, she gifted me this awesome lense for my camera. It was supposed to be a Christmas present but she couldn’t wait until then since this was the only day we would have together considering our busy schedules. She also scooped this amazing coat from Zara, lined with sherpa and super warm I had to wear it. We started the day at our favorite brunch spot in Harlem called The Edge that was only a few blocks from our old apartment. Then we decided to see the tree in Rockefeller Center and shopped at the pop-up Christmas market in Union Square. It was odd knowing we couldn’t just hop on the subway right back to our apartment but it was a good familiar feeling to be in the city for the day.
Wearing Free People sweater under BCBGeneration dress with Frye boots
As things change in my life whether they are unexpected or even possibly for the better, it is always a shocking reminder that life is not necessarily in my control. Having moved back to my dreamy little farm in upstate New York, I do miss the livelihood of the city and the ever changing faces around me. Learning how to embrace change still presents a challenge to me. I love it don’t get me wrong, I crave it honestly but I still struggle because although I may see into what is changing, I can never truly predict the future.
Since I love change so much I thought I needed a drastic change and got my hair cut. I used to have bangs when I was a pre-teen and hated them. Now, at 26 I love myself a lot more and embrace how my body, face and hair have changed over the years. I feel like a new person and I can still kind of see that little girl deep inside learning to love herself too.
Winter here has been so mild it doesn’t actually feel like winter. Today marks the ten year anniversary of when I brought my horse, Hunter, home. I remember how snowy and icy it was then and now I’m wearing a thick sweater and tights, barely feeling the elements. I’m not complaining but I do hope it snows before the holidays.