Creating My Own Canvas

 

 I do this for myself. I create my own canvas.

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For years I’ve struggled with feeling like I had to choose between two versions of me. Raised on a small farm secluded from the neighborhood kids I developed a strong bond to myself and my family. I learned about who I was from a very young age because I spent a lot of my time alone with my thoughts.

Fast forward to now and I can tell you a piece of me remains that way, however, I crave the stimulation of a buzzing city, art and creativity. I long for diversity and variety in people and places. When I am in the city I miss the farm and solitude and when I am in upstate New York I miss the stimulation. I’m learning how to find that balance and blend my two worlds together.

I love capturing the contrast and really sitting with it. Officially knee deep in my mid-twenties I have learned to love myself even more and found ways to express my creativity and truest nature. I feel that many people in my position are still struggling to find that truth bogged down by the pressures of society. College may have given us the diploma, but where do we go from here? How does the self fit into this new landscape yielding to us? And so I turn to things like photography, writing and fashion to give myself the outlet not provided to me, reestablishing my genuine thoughts, my raw creativity.

Wearing Michael Kors romper, vintage 1980’s belt, H&M boots

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop and Smell the Wildflowers

Since being home from a really nice and long overdue break, it has been difficult to adjust back to my old routine.  Honestly I hate routines although some things require it such as, good hygiene, sleep and exercise, I loved having the stimulation of being somewhere new and experiencing a different wave of energy.

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Ever since I was a young girl I have always had a fascination with flowers and plants.  I loved gardening and picking bouquets of wildflowers to keep on my nightstand.  My sister and I would catch butterflies in the horse pastures and release them into my bedroom to flutter around for the day then return them back to the wild.

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When I came home from Florida I had a lot of new energy and ideas with me, I felt like I was in a really good mental space.  Like I was saying earlier breaking the routine is so important to me. After a while I began to lose sight and made plans just to get through each day or each week resulting in tunnel vision.

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I am happy to be home with my animals and my own comfy bed, that is always a plus.  But I am also inspired to get out and do more.  I want to make the rest of this year an adventure since I spent the first six months recovering from a major surgery, not that that wasn’t an adventure in and of itself. I had to hustle to make ends meet while also being physically impaired. I’ll share more on that and my dog-walking adventures soon.

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During my hustle to make ends meet, I wasn’t always able to freshen my wardrobe.  I’ve become creative with recycling old outfits and even borrowing from family to liven up some tired pieces.  This maxi skirt is from Marshall’s circa 2013 roughly. I gave it to my mom when I couldn’t find ways to wear it anymore. I saw it recently in her wardrobe and it popped out at me telling me to take it! The sweater and the bralette were part of my buying frenzy as a manager at Macy’s, they have also been laying around wanting some wear.

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I get a lot of my style inspiration from other style blogs, my friends and people walking by.  I saw a picture of Karlie Kloss wearing a maxi skirt with a long sleeve tee and white sneakers on her Instagram and loved it, that is how this look was born with a little bit of my own countryside style.

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Wearing BCBGeneration top, Free People bralette, Maxi skirt is from Marshalls

 

 

90’s Child

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27. That is where I am today. Born in 1991 this dress may possibly be as old as me. I was given the task of helping my mom clean out her closet a few weeks ago and saw this gem. The 90’s were cool but I was a child of many fashion disasters, like those little floral dresses with the weird built-in bibs (anyone know what I’m talking about here?).

My headshot circa 1995

 

Also, I had bangs…with curly hair…I love my parents but why the bangs? They always stuck up like I had horns because my hair curled on the top of my forehead. But I’ve survived all of that and even took the risk this last year of cutting my hair shoulder length and that’s working out too.

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This last year of my life was pretty amazing, I was living in New York City working in fashion wholesale and had a studio apartment in Harlem with my girlfriend. We adopted two kitties from the ASPCA and shared so many memories as a little family.  I’ve said in previous posts (24, Seven Ten) that my birthday is an important day for me. I like to reflect on the changes in myself; my growth, my opportunities and all of the things I have accomplished.  Each year is a milestone to me and learning how to tell people my new age is like writing 2014 on a form at the doctor’s office but hello its now 2018 how could I be lost in time?! Anyway, my goal for this year is to do the things I say I want to do.

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I had six months off from life after I had shoulder surgery. I needed time off of work because the recovery process is long and brutal and that gave me a lot of time to myself, maybe a little too much time. Now I’m back to work and working through life lessons that no one really prepares us for, but our parents warn us about from their own life experiences. The amount of love and support I have received from my loved ones and my friends has been that guiding light for me and now that today is officially six months post-op (I picked January 10th on purpose knowing my freedom date would be my birthday) I can now ride my horse again and do all the fun activities I love to do like a true Upstate New Yorker. This year will be a good year like every other year has been, and I’m also aware that there may be some struggles in my future and I’m ok with that because with every struggle comes a strength.

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Wearing vintage Ulterior Motives dress and Nine West sandals