I do this for myself. I create my own canvas.
For years I’ve struggled with feeling like I had to choose between two versions of me. Raised on a small farm secluded from the neighborhood kids I developed a strong bond to myself and my family. I learned about who I was from a very young age because I spent a lot of my time alone with my thoughts.
Fast forward to now and I can tell you a piece of me remains that way, however, I crave the stimulation of a buzzing city, art and creativity. I long for diversity and variety in people and places. When I am in the city I miss the farm and solitude and when I am in upstate New York I miss the stimulation. I’m learning how to find that balance and blend my two worlds together.
I love capturing the contrast and really sitting with it. Officially knee deep in my mid-twenties I have learned to love myself even more and found ways to express my creativity and truest nature. I feel that many people in my position are still struggling to find that truth bogged down by the pressures of society. College may have given us the diploma, but where do we go from here? How does the self fit into this new landscape yielding to us? And so I turn to things like photography, writing and fashion to give myself the outlet not provided to me, reestablishing my genuine thoughts, my raw creativity.
Wearing Michael Kors romper, vintage 1980’s belt, H&M boots
Wearing Free People jumpsuit, Steve Madden shoes
When I envision myself, this is what I see. Maybe the years of running through open fields in summer dresses with my sister has something to do with that, or maybe it’s my fascination with Vogue spreads, who knows. But, when I try something on or see it hanging delectably off of a mannequin, I imagine myself in all my femininity running through a field one with myself and nature.
As I said before, almost everything in my closet has a story. This one has been told countless times to all my friends and family due to my sheer excitement and dire need to own this jumpsuit.
I first saw it in a window at Lord and Taylor and was immediately drawn to it, Megan even pointed it out to me. Weeks had gone by and we had to head to the mall to get some last minute things for our trip to Florida when I saw it there again, still in the window. I stopped to check the price, and knew it was not going to fit in my budget. It stayed on my mind though and when I had to go back yet again to pick something up, it was gone.
Now I was panicked like I lost my chance. I went and found it, the very last one and it was marked down! I tried it on and needed it desperately so I put it on hold.
Two days before I had to leave I went back one final time, money in hand. The associate told me it had been put back on the floor after markdowns were taken, and me, devastated, would not believe this could be true! Having worked retail for so long I knew that it had to be on a rolling rod somewhere in the back so a merchandiser could take the markdowns. I pleaded with the girl to please check one more time since I was leaving for vacation in a matter of hours. She did. As she walked over to me, jumpsuit in hand, I was elated. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better she rang it up revealing it had received another markdown going from $148 to $78 to now $37. That’s when I knew it was meant to be mine.
Wearing Zara dress | Vince Camuto boots
Grey with clouds, the melancholy of autumn is seeping in. The weather is warm with the memory of summer, the trees more and more bare, a foreshadow of winter. Always in transition, I love this time of year.
Dress: Free People
This is my time. Time to take risks, make life changing decisions and teeter on the edge of responsibility and spontaneity. I decided I want to move to New York and BOOM I was there. I was terrified and excited but I was there. I got a good job that noticed my hard work and promoted me quickly but still something was missing. And now an amazing opportunity has unveiled itself to me and I have nothing to do but take it. From a young age both of my parents told me to become the person I desired to be, that my dreams are never too big. One thing that I’ve learned is to take what life gives me and adapt because it just keeps going and not that I could ever be left behind, but I could be left with my own blocks and fears. Being in my twenties has really pushed me to develop myself and to create a world in which I would want to live. What I don’t want is to wake up someday and say ‘I wish I did that.’ I always have faith, and present what it is that I truly want on a day to day basis, and if you haven’t experienced it yet, postivity attracts even more positivity. And be sure to surround yourself with people who believe in you and support you no matter what. They are the poeple who don’t think you’re silly if you want to take pictures in a field with your wine glass, they join in.
One great thing about living in upstate New York is that there are many hidden trails and secret spots where you can melt into the world. I drove by this nature trail countless times and truly had no idea what was beyond the gravel parking lot and the large sign hidden in the shadows. Then came a day where I was spontaneously invited onto its path and was completely enamored. I loved the small wooden boardwalk which seemed lonely, but also warm and curious. The cattails teetering in the wind pulled me down the trail and every corner I turned was new, yet familiar.
Another great thing is this dress. I was in such a rush to find something light and summery, but also slightly sophisticated. The long sleeves and the dainty florals are what grabbed me initially, and then the open back and the criss-cross detail completely sold me. I love a great find when I least expect it.
Dress: Forever21 | Shoes: Converse
There’s nothing I love more than a super flowy top that makes me feel ultra femme, light and beautiful. The last few weeks have been incredibly hot and humid, definitely out of character for upstate New York. But, I will take all these days I can get and all things flowy help me stay cool and put together.
P.S. Bronco thinks he’s the kanine version of Where’s Waldo, He likes the camera time if it gives him more time to spend with me.
Top: Free People | Shorts: Free People | Sandals: Nine West