The ultimate cliche–gone back to my roots. Watching movies where the character seems to have lost it all, they return to where it all began. In that process the realization sets in that what was once lost has been there the whole time. Living in that cliche I’ve learned the core of your being stays the same, no one can take away experiences, your love for people and the things that created you.
My life is in constant motion, the sun rises and the sun sets and not a single person can stop that. Anxiety provoking? Yes. However, it can be therapuetic in way knowing the current situation won’t stay as it is as long as I keep waking and resting with the rest of the world. Opportunities keep yeilding themselves to me, and every one I take I learn something new. I am grateful for what is yet to come and for all that I’ve had.
I’m en route to New York City as we speak to add another experience under my belt, Coterie. A global event really, the mission: to present and sell spring 2019 of various designers to retailers around the world.
Wearing Zara hat and dress, Coach boots
I do this for myself. I create my own canvas.
For years I’ve struggled with feeling like I had to choose between two versions of me. Raised on a small farm secluded from the neighborhood kids I developed a strong bond to myself and my family. I learned about who I was from a very young age because I spent a lot of my time alone with my thoughts.
Fast forward to now and I can tell you a piece of me remains that way, however, I crave the stimulation of a buzzing city, art and creativity. I long for diversity and variety in people and places. When I am in the city I miss the farm and solitude and when I am in upstate New York I miss the stimulation. I’m learning how to find that balance and blend my two worlds together.
I love capturing the contrast and really sitting with it. Officially knee deep in my mid-twenties I have learned to love myself even more and found ways to express my creativity and truest nature. I feel that many people in my position are still struggling to find that truth bogged down by the pressures of society. College may have given us the diploma, but where do we go from here? How does the self fit into this new landscape yielding to us? And so I turn to things like photography, writing and fashion to give myself the outlet not provided to me, reestablishing my genuine thoughts, my raw creativity.
Wearing Michael Kors romper, vintage 1980’s belt, H&M boots
Wearing Free People jumpsuit, Steve Madden shoes
When I envision myself, this is what I see. Maybe the years of running through open fields in summer dresses with my sister has something to do with that, or maybe it’s my fascination with Vogue spreads, who knows. But, when I try something on or see it hanging delectably off of a mannequin, I imagine myself in all my femininity running through a field one with myself and nature.
As I said before, almost everything in my closet has a story. This one has been told countless times to all my friends and family due to my sheer excitement and dire need to own this jumpsuit.
I first saw it in a window at Lord and Taylor and was immediately drawn to it, Megan even pointed it out to me. Weeks had gone by and we had to head to the mall to get some last minute things for our trip to Florida when I saw it there again, still in the window. I stopped to check the price, and knew it was not going to fit in my budget. It stayed on my mind though and when I had to go back yet again to pick something up, it was gone.
Now I was panicked like I lost my chance. I went and found it, the very last one and it was marked down! I tried it on and needed it desperately so I put it on hold.
Two days before I had to leave I went back one final time, money in hand. The associate told me it had been put back on the floor after markdowns were taken, and me, devastated, would not believe this could be true! Having worked retail for so long I knew that it had to be on a rolling rod somewhere in the back so a merchandiser could take the markdowns. I pleaded with the girl to please check one more time since I was leaving for vacation in a matter of hours. She did. As she walked over to me, jumpsuit in hand, I was elated. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better she rang it up revealing it had received another markdown going from $148 to $78 to now $37. That’s when I knew it was meant to be mine.
Two things to know about me are one, I do not own a full length mirror and two, I always take advantage of good lighting.
Having dinner plans with an old friend forced me out of my t-shirt and yoga pants I had been hanging out in all day due to the plague I finally kicked. I’ve been on a pretty tight budget the last several months and couldn’t really afford to buy anything new. I love to retire things from my wardrobe for a while in anticipation that they will breathe new life again one day.
I bought these pants a couple years ago. They are the most comfortable pants I have ever worn and can hide any food baby or bloated belly without making me feel constricted (perfect for grabbing dinner in). I thrifted this little cut off charmeuse top from Buffalo Exchange a handful of years ago. It was my virgin trip to the second hand boutique in Brooklyn and have been a frequent shopper ever since.
SO, I guess you could say I am not the type of person to give something a toss if I haven’t worn it in a year. I grow attached to my clothes and think of them as little treasures that carry many backstories as to how they got into my possession. And in times of needing to feel fresh and new I know I have an archive I can head to first.
I love feeling comfortable and tend to go to layering my basics to add some detail to a pretty simple outfit.
Wearing BCBGeneration pants, top is thrifted from Buffalo Exchange
Our last day in Florida was honestly one of the most entertaining experiences I’ve ever had. All of us went on a 20 person charter to try our hand at deep sea fishing. I was so hesitant at first because I was intimidated by going out onto the ocean. I grew up on boats but only ever went to our local lakes. Lately in my life, I’ve learned to embrace the thrill of doing things that frighten me a little.
We climbed onto the boat and cruised down the windy channels that brought us out to sea. The skies were heavy and grey, which is actually perfect for fishing. The crew gave us instructions whilst slicing up bait for the chum buckets. It was shocking in the way that I really wasn’t prepared for what I saw. We each learned how to bait our hooks and drop our lines. I jumped right in.
Boom. After minutes of having our lines dropped, swaying in the waves a few miles away from the shore we started catching fish! They were bright and colorful, not what I expected at all. It was a whirlwind to see what we caught. The build up of feeling something grab at your line, then having to reel it in with all your might was exhilarating.
With plenty of help from each other and the crew, our group caught a total of 21 fish. We released most of them back to the ocean due to size and species restrictions. Megan caught a puffer fish, which is pretty rare to pull out of the water like that. The crew member sat down and let us take a closer look before releasing him back to the sea.
Tony was one of the crew members, he helped unhook our catch and measure to see if they met the specs.
We got to take home 5 of our fish after they prepped them for us. We marinated and grilled them for dinner that night, and it was honestly so delicious and fresh. Even if we hadn’t caught anything, and our intention wasn’t to bring something home. The experience of being out on the water, all of us laughing and squealing with excitement was worth it. I was sad our week was coming to a close, this time away from everything familiar to me helped me expand my mind and learn to love and accept the place i am in in my life. I could have shared so much more, and I’m sure I will as time goes on, but I hold onto all of the new memories I created, whether or not a camera was present.
Oh my goodness have you ever been to a place where the water is so blue you couldn’t believe it was real?! The only beaches I have been to were deep blue and chilly, absolutely nothing like South Beach, Miami. My dad told us we had to take a day to see Miami and I am so happy we went. One day wasn’t nearly enough though. We all stayed in the water the entire day, floating in the shallow waves, catching little sand crabs and filming fish on our fake-pro (a generic goPro). The city towered over the coast majestically and eventually we had to regain our land legs to go get something to eat.
After we were forced to leave the water by our sun-burned skin and need for food we ventured into Miami Beach and went down to Lincoln Lane where there were lots of restaurants and shopping. It reminded me of how New York City closes down parts of Broadway in Herald Square for outdoor dining and temporary pop-up restaurants from around the 5 boroughs. The vibe was very Miami Vice though, I loved the stucco buildings, archways and palm tree lined sidewalks. We ate at Havana 1957 and had an amazing Cuban dinner outside on the sidewalk under umbrellas and huge fans.
The family branched off and we all went our own ways to do some exploring. Megan and I found a shaved ice cream shop through an alley way of palms and an outdoor coffee shop. It had a private little courtyard where we got to eat our sundaes together and watched green parrots flit and fly around.
Wearing BCBGeneration shorts and top, H&M hat
After dinner and shopping we walked the ocean path back to our car and enjoyed the full moon casting its light through the Miami skies.
It really wasn’t enough time. I want to make it a point to go back to Miami and take it all in. The perfectly turquoise waters and the vibe of the bustling city beyond its calming waves was mind altering and honestly took me away from everything that I’ve been carrying with me these last few months.
Never take for granted the places just beyond your backyard. The gardens at Yaddo have become one of my favorite places to visit when I need to have a date with my mind or some peace from everyday stressors. Originally a home to the Trask family, they decided to dedicate the property to artists and creative minds. Although the public is allowed to visit the gardens, admission to the mansion and residency is only open to artists, writers, photographers, composers and choreographers who must go through an application process.
A home for the mind to simply be itself; free and open to all possibilities outside of the realms we are taught. A place so close to me dedicated to art and beauty that I have the privilege of visiting and riding its energetic wave will not be taken for granted. And although I may complain about being here in Upstate New York, I always remind myself of the many redeeming qualities that are just beyond my door.
Wearing Free People dress and Modern Vice boots
I encourage anyone who loves the outdoors, the arts, and travel to visit their website to learn more about Yaddo’s history and its artists here.
When I say a pick-me-up I don’t mean coffee, I mean shoes. I’m sure that goes for a lot of people? They always make me feel so good. Anyway, I snagged these for $12.99 at Zara. Yes. $12.99. So, already that makes me love them even more. And they are just what I wanted to lift my spirits since it is still winter and I am still recovering from shoulder surgery.
Lace-up boots and booties bring me back to a time in my childhood when I found a pair of lace-up heels in my mom’s closet and wore them around the house pretending to be a grown woman. Those were circa 1989. Who knew my little fantasy would come to fruition.
Wearing Zara shoes|Free People top|Zara denim
Wearing DKNY hoodie | Cavin Klein leggings | Target sneakers
Have you ever seen something and you’re immediately like “I need this.” It happens to me all the time. I know I’m not the only one, however. When I see certain things especially clothes and shoes, I have instantaneous visions of how I would wear them. Each piece of my outfit happened that way. I was working as a stylist for the hoidays and stumbled upon this DKNY hoodie. It was the last one, my size and very affordable so I grabbed it. I needed it. A day or two later I had a customer who was inquiring about these Calvin Klein leggings. They ended up not fitting into her holiday shopping budget but I knew the moment I saw them they would be A-Mazing with my new hoodie.
Some weeks later after the holidays came to a close I saw these sneakers at Target…yes Target…and just had to have them. I was in love. My girlfriend loved them too and helped persuade me into buying them (not that I needed much persuading honestly). But in my mind I had created this ensemble already and couldn’t wait to bring it to life. My brain works like a virtual closet. I know they make apps for this now but I create and store images in my mind of every peice of clothing in my wardrobe and all of my accessories.
I wanted to get something on the blog for the new year. I’ve become more comfortable with myself physically as I get older. I’m going out more without makeup and loving my skin and my face for what it is. This is a tough environment to learn how to love yourself in and I watch everyone around me go through the same thing. But if we create the love and acceptance within ourselves first we can help those around us feel more comfortable.
I hope 2018 brings a lot of new experiences and lessons. I know I’m making changes every day. On a side note, this will be my last post for a while as I recover from shoulder sugery. I will be reading all my favorite blogs and dreaming of amazing outfits.
Wearing Zara shoes | Gap joggers | Zara scarf
Moody skies are resonating with me right now since I am currently fighting through a mean headcold that has me feeling really sluggish and blah. I’m not the type of person that can sit still for long, so when my body is telling me to rest, my brain is swirling with ideas.
These shoes from Zara are just so cool, they literally match the silver skies, or maybe they’re just grabbing the reflection. Either way I love them. I threw them on with these joggers, which by-the-way I stole from my girlfriend. We have an open closet policy in our relationship because I love her style. It’s more of a “hey I’m wearing this, hope ya don’t mind” kind of thing, I don’t ask for permission. I take her more masculine pieces and add my own character to them, like these shoes. We’re very different people, but we inspire each other every day.