The ultimate cliche–gone back to my roots. Watching movies where the character seems to have lost it all, they return to where it all began. In that process the realization sets in that what was once lost has been there the whole time. Living in that cliche I’ve learned the core of your being stays the same, no one can take away experiences, your love for people and the things that created you.
My life is in constant motion, the sun rises and the sun sets and not a single person can stop that. Anxiety provoking? Yes. However, it can be therapuetic in way knowing the current situation won’t stay as it is as long as I keep waking and resting with the rest of the world. Opportunities keep yeilding themselves to me, and every one I take I learn something new. I am grateful for what is yet to come and for all that I’ve had.
I’m en route to New York City as we speak to add another experience under my belt, Coterie. A global event really, the mission: to present and sell spring 2019 of various designers to retailers around the world.
When something bothers me it’s hard to get it off my mind. I have to talk about it with the people closest to me. I enjoy and value social media in the way that it gives everyone the opportunity to express themselves, the same way I feel about fashion. Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate people’s intentions, however. When you look through the filters and the captions, is the real person behind all of it?
Staying genuine to who I really am is important to me, but I’m sure I could be perceived differently than that because perception is subjective. And being an influencer is also important to me, but the message I want to convey is not be like me, but find yourself and how beautiful it is to be original and unique. Self love is often the hardest to find, I speak from experience. I see and have seen so many people I love in my life go through the same struggle and it is one that never actually ends.
I love inspiring people. Outside of the cyber world I talk about my clothes, give advice to my loved ones and try to live my best life. I never want that to end, I feel it’s part of my purpose here.
I am wearing Zara shorts, F21 duster and H&M booties
For years I’ve struggled with feeling like I had to choose between two versions of me. Raised on a small farm secluded from the neighborhood kids I developed a strong bond to myself and my family. I learned about who I was from a very young age because I spent a lot of my time alone with my thoughts.
Fast forward to now and I can tell you a piece of me remains that way, however, I crave the stimulation of a buzzing city, art and creativity. I long for diversity and variety in people and places. When I am in the city I miss the farm and solitude and when I am in upstate New York I miss the stimulation. I’m learning how to find that balance and blend my two worlds together.
I love capturing the contrast and really sitting with it. Officially knee deep in my mid-twenties I have learned to love myself even more and found ways to express my creativity and truest nature. I feel that many people in my position are still struggling to find that truth bogged down by the pressures of society. College may have given us the diploma, but where do we go from here? How does the self fit into this new landscape yielding to us? And so I turn to things like photography, writing and fashion to give myself the outlet not provided to me, reestablishing my genuine thoughts, my raw creativity.
Wearing Michael Kors romper, vintage 1980’s belt, H&M boots
27. That is where I am today. Born in 1991 this dress may possibly be as old as me. I was given the task of helping my mom clean out her closet a few weeks ago and saw this gem. The 90’s were cool but I was a child of many fashion disasters, like those little floral dresses with the weird built-in bibs (anyone know what I’m talking about here?).
Also, I had bangs…with curly hair…I love my parents but why the bangs? They always stuck up like I had horns because my hair curled on the top of my forehead. But I’ve survived all of that and even took the risk this last year of cutting my hair shoulder length and that’s working out too.
This last year of my life was pretty amazing, I was living in New York City working in fashion wholesale and had a studio apartment in Harlem with my girlfriend. We adopted two kitties from the ASPCA and shared so many memories as a little family. I’ve said in previous posts (24, Seven Ten) that my birthday is an important day for me. I like to reflect on the changes in myself; my growth, my opportunities and all of the things I have accomplished. Each year is a milestone to me and learning how to tell people my new age is like writing 2014 on a form at the doctor’s office but hello its now 2018 how could I be lost in time?! Anyway, my goal for this year is to do the things I say I want to do.
I had six months off from life after I had shoulder surgery. I needed time off of work because the recovery process is long and brutal and that gave me a lot of time to myself, maybe a little too much time. Now I’m back to work and working through life lessons that no one really prepares us for, but our parents warn us about from their own life experiences. The amount of love and support I have received from my loved ones and my friends has been that guiding light for me and now that today is officially six months post-op (I picked January 10th on purpose knowing my freedom date would be my birthday) I can now ride my horse again and do all the fun activities I love to do like a true Upstate New Yorker. This year will be a good year like every other year has been, and I’m also aware that there may be some struggles in my future and I’m ok with that because with every struggle comes a strength.
Wearing vintage Ulterior Motives dress and Nine West sandals
Wearing Free People sweater under BCBGeneration dress with Frye boots
As things change in my life whether they are unexpected or even possibly for the better, it is always a shocking reminder that life is not necessarily in my control. Having moved back to my dreamy little farm in upstate New York, I do miss the livelihood of the city and the ever changing faces around me. Learning how to embrace change still presents a challenge to me. I love it don’t get me wrong, I crave it honestly but I still struggle because although I may see into what is changing, I can never truly predict the future.
Since I love change so much I thought I needed a drastic change and got my hair cut. I used to have bangs when I was a pre-teen and hated them. Now, at 26 I love myself a lot more and embrace how my body, face and hair have changed over the years. I feel like a new person and I can still kind of see that little girl deep inside learning to love herself too.
Winter here has been so mild it doesn’t actually feel like winter. Today marks the ten year anniversary of when I brought my horse, Hunter, home. I remember how snowy and icy it was then and now I’m wearing a thick sweater and tights, barely feeling the elements. I’m not complaining but I do hope it snows before the holidays.
My everyday uniform for as long as I can remember is ripped jeans, a light sweater and vest, rain boots and a beanie. Having grown up on a farm since I was five, I’ve learned to dress in a versitile way and in a way where I didn’t mind getting a little dirty. Whether it’s sunny or rainy a good pair of rain boots, or any boot for that matter, is necessary.
The last few weeks have gifted the northeast with some really beautiful weather and not to mention the leaves have peaked with vibrant foliage right in my backyard. Each morning I look out as I’m having my coffee and just bask at how picturesque the landscape is, so this morning I decided I would take Hunter out to graze on the lush grass before winter starts to creep in. I love spending time with him as he quietly munches, the wind brushes through the grass and the birds welcome the beginning of the day. This December will mark 10 years since the day I brought him home. I found him totally by chance, but I knew when I saw him he was meant to come home with me.
This is my time. Time to take risks, make life changing decisions and teeter on the edge of responsibility and spontaneity. I decided I want to move to New York and BOOM I was there. I was terrified and excited but I was there. I got a good job that noticed my hard work and promoted me quickly but still something was missing. And now an amazing opportunity has unveiled itself to me and I have nothing to do but take it. From a young age both of my parents told me to become the person I desired to be, that my dreams are never too big. One thing that I’ve learned is to take what life gives me and adapt because it just keeps going and not that I could ever be left behind, but I could be left with my own blocks and fears. Being in my twenties has really pushed me to develop myself and to create a world in which I would want to live. What I don’t want is to wake up someday and say ‘I wish I did that.’ I always have faith, and present what it is that I truly want on a day to day basis, and if you haven’t experienced it yet, postivity attracts even more positivity. And be sure to surround yourself with people who believe in you and support you no matter what. They are the poeple who don’t think you’re silly if you want to take pictures in a field with your wine glass, they join in.
Wearing Guess Denim | Zara Boots | Zara Top | Jacket gifted
Remember what it was to be young and hopeful. Always try to hone that feeling in. In the last few years so much has changed in my adult life. I continue to struggle with what it is exactly I want to do or be as an adult, because my unconventional self cannot fit into the molds provided for me. I see myself surrounded by love and light in my present and my future so how do I live day to day with the struggles of my reality without clouding this beautiful perception? The amount of debt, hours worked and countless odds and ends to fix, address and complete stack up against me. I try to peer through the mist, the vines entangling my imagination of the best life possible for me and the people I love. I get small windows of clarity that keep me going, that remind me and help me recognize and re familiarize the truth within. The truth in this life is to remain compassionate to all, embrace what is life and not the things in it.
Spring. I love that word. It represents so many things, my mind buzzes with motion, fresh air, new life, transition, nature reviving itself once again. Today marks the beginning of spring and luckily mother nature was kind enough to shower us with sunshine and warmer tempuratures.
When a shift in the season is upon me, I feel a shift within myself. Not only am I considering the changes in my wardrobe and dreaming of floral everything, I am thinking about how I evolve continuously an embrace myself as those changes occur.
We decided to go to the park because we’ve been missing the lifestyle of our hometown in upstate New York. Whenever life seems to get hectic, nature is always the grounding force. In this city life is always hectic, and as time escapes me I have a desire to reconnect not only to myself but to my relationship. I look forward to our next adventures together. As we walked through the park I felt peaceful and calm, yet had this rush of energy running through me. Finally, spring is here.
WearingKut from the Kloth jeans | H&M top | Zara scarf
I love this city. I can feel buzzing energy all around me. Sometimes it makes me feel giddy like I could skip down the street as if I were ten years old again. It’s the kind of energy that sparks my imagination, a muscle not exercised enough by my day to day routine and I miss that portal of my mind. I’m back to work this week and relentlessly trying to figure out a way to balance the things I would like to do with the things I have to do, due to my responsibilities. Going for a walk, even if it’s the short distance between my apartment and the downtown train, brings an open field to my brain and a wider vision to my eyes where I start to think and see and imagine what’s ahead, what’s next and what’s right in front of me. You can walk down the same street every day and see something you haven’t before weather it’s your imagination or architecture you hadn’t recognized before.
On the final day of my staycation I went for a walk in Central Park starting at the very north end. I honestly wanted to make it relatively short just to get some fresh air but was inspired by the landscape and my feet kept going. With the momentum of my body syncing into a rhythm I couldn’t break, I began to think about how amazing this city is, how vast and beautiful it can be. Reminding me that many opportunities are ahead of me because I’ve already come this far.
I was gifted these leggings for Christmas, the whole mesh trend was something I needed to hop onto. When I’m not having to get dressed up I immediately go for something athleisure, I think it’s the equestrian in me because I would live in breeches and athletic tops all year round upstate. It’s comfortable and luckily this look is pretty common so for me to leave the house without actually having to go to a gym is highly acceptable.